Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
