apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
