guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
