My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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