if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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