I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
