Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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