Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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