you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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