Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
