I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
