I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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