found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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