As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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