don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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