Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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