I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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