Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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