I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
