Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
