im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
