You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
