I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
