my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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