if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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