trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
