Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize