and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
