Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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