Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
