I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize