I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
