the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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