i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The feeling are messing with the penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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