Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize