i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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