Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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