goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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