Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
