By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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