Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
