He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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