Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
