Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
