Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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