I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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