he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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