i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
