Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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