FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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