Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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