your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
