I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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