I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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