I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
