Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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