yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
