My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
