my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize